I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
