We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just high enough for therapy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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