im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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