Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
