I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
