i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
