K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
