Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
