One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
