I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
