Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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