the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
