i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
