You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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