remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
