God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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