Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A bitchslap is in order.
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