If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize