he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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