You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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