My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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