Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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