I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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