can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
