Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
