John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
