Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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