turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
