i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
