i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
