Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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