You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
