New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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