Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
