I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
