OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
