i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
