A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
