Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
