we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
