I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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