i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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