Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
