yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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