That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
