420 ftw
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
