i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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