His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
