I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
