We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
