Kiss
Puke
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
