Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
